December
12th, 2005
It says “Copywriter”
on my business cards, but I introduce myself as a writer for the
same reason the
2nd Assistant Director introduces himself as a director –
it just sounds cooler. Particularly when you're a member
of the second most loathed industry in Western society. On the
bright side, when the revolution comes, we'll have the lawyers
to use as human shields.
This next
part sounds like I am changing the subject. I am not.
Desperate
to burn through the agency health plan's use-it-or-lose-it
$500 subsidy before year end, I invariably get a lot of massages
in December. And so it was that, making the polite massage-small-talk
that is anathema to relaxation but the price of being Canadian,
I happened to mention that I was a writer. Whereupon the masseuse
told me her kids were HUGE fans of mine and she read them my work
every night.
Hoping she
didn't mean this comic – and then trying to wrap my
head around her lulling her children to sleep with your descriptions
of Jamie's penis – I quickly figured out she'd
seen the name Mutch on her schedule and mistaken me for Robert
Munsch, beloved
children's authour and the best-selling writer in Canada.
He is also sixty years old, which should give you some idea of
what I look like naked.
I'm rethinking
the whole introduction thing.
- Graham
