For tonight's performance, the role of Drunken Jackass will be played by James Lirette
This is the time of year when, Freaky Friday style, Jamie and I switch bodies. Suddenly, I'm the sullen introvert and he's the attention-whore. It has a lot to do with my fucked-up family and his ability to put away booze like a beer camel. You'd never guess it to look at Jamie, but when that motherfucker hits the dance floor, it is on.
Jamie gets frustrated with me because I usually want to leave early, but by ten I'm the only sober person in a room filled with drunken, sex-starved ad people which is a hell of a lot less interesting than it… okay, that part's pretty entertaining. Mostly because the person who licks your face is never the one you'd want to. No means no, Troy.
- Graham
Send your drunken feedback to graham@wordsandpicturesonline.com.
The funny part is that Graham has no idea. He's never been drunk. Ever.
Since he has little to no inhibitions on a good day, he thinks that if he were to have a few, he'd instantly lose control and become the blathering idiot that tells the boss to suck his cock then honks the HR lady's breast just before he pukes then falls on a cactus. I've tried to convince him that drinking is cool and that all the popular copywriters are drunks, but he is nothing if not stubborn.
- Jamie.
Anecdotal retort #1: I'm at an award show, standing in a circle of colleagues when a woman approaches, glass in hand. The top button of my shirt is open and, noting that I don't have any chest hair, she asks if I shave. I respond that I'm just not a hairy guy. “Not even on your belly ?” she cries, reaching inside my shirt and running her hand through my short and curlies. “You do ! You do have hair on your belly!” I do.
Anecdotal retort #2: Do I really need a second?
I'm not judging. It's all I can do not to honk the HR Director's breast completely sober – it's a very nice breast and she's got another one just like it. But the last thing I need is social lubricant. I'm already interesting. And Hemmingway was a miserable fuck.
- Graham
