December
19th, 2005
This is the
time of year when, Freaky Friday style, Jamie and I switch bodies.
Suddenly, I'm the sullen introvert and he's
the attention-whore. It has a lot to do with my fucked-up family
and his ability to put away booze like a beer camel. You'd
never guess it to look at Jamie, but when that motherfucker hits
the dance floor, it is on.
Jamie gets
frustrated with me because I usually want to leave early, but
by ten I'm the only sober person in a room filled with drunken,
sex-starved ad people which is a hell of a lot less interesting
than it… okay, that part's pretty entertaining. Mostly
because the person who licks your face is never the one you'd
want to. No means no, Troy.
- Graham
Send your
drunken feedback to graham@wordsandpicturesonline.com.
The funny
part is that Graham has no idea. He's never
been drunk. Ever.
Since he has
little to no inhibitions on a good day, he thinks that if he were
to have a few, he'd instantly lose control
and become the blathering idiot that tells the boss to suck his
cock then honks the HR lady's breast just before
he pukes then falls on a cactus. I've tried
to convince him that drinking is cool and that all the popular
copywriters are drunks, but he is nothing if not stubborn.
- Jamie.
Anecdotal
retort #1: I'm at an award show, standing in a circle
of colleagues when a woman approaches, glass in hand. The top
button of my shirt is open and, noting that I don't have
any chest hair, she asks if I shave. I respond that I'm just
not a hairy guy. “Not even on your belly ?” she
cries, reaching inside my shirt and running her hand through my
short and curlies. “You do ! You do have hair
on your belly!” I do.
Anecdotal
retort #2: Do I really need a second?
I'm not
judging. It's all I can do not to honk the HR Director's
breast completely sober – it's a very nice breast and
she's got another one just like it. But the last thing
I need is social lubricant. I'm already interesting. And
Hemmingway was a miserable fuck.
- Graham
