Special thanks to Jamie, Sean Atkinson and Shawn James
Inspired by the University of Illinois' findings, Jamie proposed we create the comic while intoxicated. I found that to be a thematically appropriate experiment, though ultimately impossible as I didn't have any alcohol in the house. I'm just not much of a drinker. I also should note that "not much of a drinker" is still a dramatic change from "lifelong teetotaller".
In 2005, Jamie wrote: "Graham has no idea. He's never been drunk. Ever. … I've tried to convince him that drinking is cool and that all the popular copywriters are drunks, but he is nothing if not stubborn."
It's true that peer pressure has never worked on me; resisting it only fuels my superiority complex. Which is lucky, because once people find out you don't drink they are ALL about getting you trashed.
I do not like to lose control. Not of my temper. Not of my actions. Certainly not of my bodily functions. Between clients shooting down ideas and KEEP OFF THE GRASS signs, I'm forced to cede too much control as it is. I've no desire to surrender what little I have left.
If I'm being honest, a lot of it probably has to do with the fact that I am lightly freckled skin stretched taut over a seething mass of lust, rage and pain. If character is what you are in the dark, I've always been worried about how I might behave during a blackout. Also, anyone who's seen me drink Coca-Cola knows I have already have one substance abuse problem. I'm not really looking for another.
Having said that, I once got blind fucking drunk in Cannes and it was a pretty good time. It was our first opening night gala and I figured what the hell. I'm delighted to report that my fears proved to be unfounded. Didn't grope any women. Didn't punch any men. Nor vice versa, which is especially gratifying.
That's not to say I didn't disgrace myself – this comic is dedicated to the three men it took to carry me back to my hotel room – but a little vomit and a crushing hangover are a pleasant surprise when you're expecting to wake up covered in the blood of your victims.
- Graham
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