January
16th, 2006
My son knows
it. My daughter knows it. Christ, everyone except my mother
knows it. Farts are funny. My Mom used to tell me to run to
the bathroom if I felt the need to fart. Yeah, right, I'll
get right on that. I don't have that kind of self-control. I
remember the amazement I felt when I was introduced to the “Pull
my finger” trick – how the hell did my uncle do
that? I now realize it was just fortuitous gas, but the timing
was impeccable. I have yet to master my bowels like that (I
once shat myself standing at a urinal, but I won't get into
that).
I think
when you work for the better part of a decade with someone,
you're not just going to smell their funk – you're
going to be able to win the Pepsi Challenge™
with their funk. “That was you, you fucker, I can tell!”
Hell, even
your cycles
seem to synchronize. Last week Graham was going for a bathroom
break and I was supposed to join him. He went into the
shitter and saw what looked like my shoes at the urinal. After
hearing an extremely lengthy and forceful piss, he exclaimed
“HOLY CRAP – WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DRINK?” Yeah,
that wasn't me. He made a new friend, though.
-Jamie
“Gas!
Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime. . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.”
–
Wilfred Owen,
Dulce
et Decorum Est
I'm losing
control of the strip. This is the second week in a row Jamie's
usurped the Words in Words & Pictures and there's not
a damn thing I can do about it. I'm not sure I even have the
right. Jamie's love affair with his intestinal gas is an epic
romance of Titanic proportions. Who am I to play Billy
Zane?
Maybe I'm
just feeling insecure. Jamie called me Saturday in a frenzy
of excitement over a very nice review on Comixpedia.
This is significant for a couple of reasons. First, to the best
of my knowledge, they're the first non-advertising news site
to really take notice of us. Second, when I checked our listing
in their database, the creator of Words & Pictures was
listed as “Jamie Lirette”.
Ouch.
Fishing
for validation, I Googled “Mutch
comic” only to learn that not only am I not the most
famous Mutch with a comic – I'm not even the most famous
one in my neighbourhood.
Even worse, I totally ogled the authour's photo,
despite the fact that we're almost certainly blood relatives.
Suddenly,
my insecurity seems less of a concern than my latent incestuous
tendencies.
-Graham
