Jamie has something he wants to share with you

Posted on January 16th, 2006

My son knows it. My daughter knows it. Christ, everyone except my mother knows it. Farts are funny. My Mom used to tell me to run to the bathroom if I felt the need to fart. Yeah, right, I'll get right on that. I don't have that kind of self-control. I remember the amazement I felt when I was introduced to the “Pull my finger” trick – how the hell did my uncle do that? I now realize it was just fortuitous gas, but the timing was impeccable. I have yet to master my bowels like that (I once shat myself standing at a urinal, but I won't get into that).

I think when you work for the better part of a decade with someone, you're not just going to smell their funk – you're going to be able to win the Pepsi Challenge™ with their funk. “That was you, you fucker, I can tell!”

Hell, even your cycles seem to synchronize. Last week Graham was going for a bathroom break and I was supposed to join him. He went into the shitter and saw what looked like my shoes at the urinal. After hearing an extremely lengthy and forceful piss, he exclaimed “HOLY CRAP – WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DRINK?” Yeah, that wasn't me. He made a new friend, though.



“Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling, Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time; But someone still was yelling out and stumbling, And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime. . . Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light, As under a green sea, I saw him drowning. In all my dreams, before my helpless sight, He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.” – Wilfred Owen, Dulce et Decorum Est

I'm losing control of the strip. This is the second week in a row Jamie's usurped the Words in Words & Pictures and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I'm not sure I even have the right. Jamie's love affair with his intestinal gas is an epic romance of Titanic proportions. Who am I to play Billy Zane?

Maybe I'm just feeling insecure. Jamie called me Saturday in a frenzy of excitement over a very nice review on Comixpedia. This is significant for a couple of reasons. First, to the best of my knowledge, they're the first non-advertising news site to really take notice of us. Second, when I checked our listing in their database, the creator of Words & Pictures was listed as “Jamie Lirette”.


Fishing for validation, I Googled “Mutch comic” only to learn that not only am I not the most famous Mutch with a comic – I'm not even the most famous one in my neighbourhood. Even worse, I totally ogled the authour's photo, despite the fact that we're almost certainly blood relatives.

Suddenly, my insecurity seems less of a concern than my latent incestuous tendencies.


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