Also, Cinderalla thinks you're a fat bitch

Posted on December 18th, 2006

The news about Ariel's gutter mouth broke last week, so I was worried another comic might have gone there first. For some reason, I thought the safest thing would be to run a Google image search for Ariel slut. The results were pretty much what you'd expect, assuming you expect a dead-eyed blonde fellating the muzzle of an ALF doll. More shocking than the image itself was the realization that it must have been created to meet the unholy demands of some unfathomable 80s-sitcom-plushie-fetish subculture. Truly, the Internet is a strange and frightening place.

And yet, I must repeat, still less disturbing than Baby Bratz (which I just learned are actually called Bratz Babyz, because nothing says "youth culture" like the letter z).

Where to start? With the fact these are babies who wear mascara, red lipstick and thongs? Or that their accessories include "Hot-To-Trot Ponyz" and a large banana for them to straddle? Does it strike you as odd that porn star action figures are more tasteful?

If you were planning to slide a Bratz Babyz (is there a singular form?) down your daughter's chimney, please consider this list of more appropriate giftz:

The Kaba-Kick Russian Roulette Starter Kit

Kaba Kick Roulette


Aurora Monster Scenes: the perfect companion for all your child's abduction/torture fantasies.



Love 'n Hate Scratch Mittens for the evangelical serial killer in every infant.

love 'n hate mittens


And of course...

Dora Aquapet


P.S. In the spirit of Peace On Earth And Goodwill Towards Jamie, the debate is on winter holiday and will return on January 8th.

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