I always hated Scut Farkus

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I didn't grow up with bullies. Sure there were some tough kids that scrapped from time to time, but I don't recall any assholes that would torment the other kids. Years of after-school specials and PSA's later, the topic really didn't hit me until my close friend Mark told me stories of his childhood. Which, even though we only grew up an hour away from each other, was vastly different than mine. He tells it much better than me, but I imagine a fucking war zone where innocent 8-year olds have to cross a demilitarized zone inhabited by square-jawed, barrel chested 12-year olds that shaved daily. He took his beats. LOTS of them. But I can tell you with no uncertainty that Mark, who is now built like a brick shithouse himself, can kick the living crap out of all comers - no questions asked. He's also fought off a Bear and a wolverine and has been escorted out of Kyrgyzstan by the KGB. But more about Mark later.

Sadly, bullies grow up. Some grow out of it, but I'm sure every single one of you know an adult bully in your professional life. If it's not your boss, it's a colleague. I had one. One of the best days of my career was the day I resigned and told her that she could shove her miserable job right up her rosy red rectum. (Ok maybe not those exact words)

My kids have encountered their share of assholes at school too. And I say assholes, because it's such a grey area. School administrators are extremely apprehensive about the label. There was a kid who held my son down while another hit him. Bully right? Nope. There's a whole set of criteria that must be met. Repeat offender. Targeting younger kids. Noogie proficiency. What we need is a law. A law against assholes. Someone drives to the front of the merge lane and barges his way in? 3rd degree asshole misdemeanor. Loud talking during a movie while texting? Premeditated asshole in the 1st degree.

Would you have a rap sheet full of asshole infractions?

-Jamie

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