Punchline aside, it really was The Fountain a movie I very badly wanted to love and ultimately could not. I had much the same response to 300 (in Jamie's words: "I can only see guys stabbed with spears so many times"). To be fair, I had impossibly high expectations for the latter, based on the extremely cool trailer and the knowledge that director Zack Snyder's next project is the long-awaited adaptation of Watchmen, the greatest comic ever written and the only comic on Time's list of the 100 best novels of the last century. I love that book more than Jamie loves complaining and I await the movie with the dread and longing of a man about to be reunited with the high school sweetheart he never stopped loving. She's changed, to be sure, but for better or worse? Will he even recognize her?
As for our trip to Florida, we stayed at the Grand Bohemian, a luxury hotel that encourages you to explore the city if only to escape the bleak misery of the downtown core. We rode the elevator down with two Chicago Bulls, one of whom asked my opinion of 300, and passed a $13,000 painting for sale in the gift shop. Outside, the only thing open was a dingy convenience store that sold cheap booze and stale Twinkies. I also met a nice homeless man named Paul who sold me this joke:
Paul: Why did the biologist go to France?
Graham: I don't know, Paul. Why did the biologist go to France?
Paul: He wanted to see the Paris sites!
I laughed dutifully and offered my hand to shake, but Paul declined, embarrassed by the caked filth on his own. Then he wept. That could have gone better.
My only other regret is that we never once made it to the Jesus theme park. I suggested it to Jamie every day, but to no avail. I think he was afraid I'd embarrass him in front of his God. Otherwise, we had a great time and I can't wait to go back with my family.
Finally, linking to a featured YouTube video is probably just showing you stuff you've already seen, but I can't risk you NOT seeing a music video that reunites the living cast of The Karate Kid. The tip of the hat to Raising Arizona just makes me love it all the more:
UPDATE: Kobra Kai Never Die!
Holy shit. I just put two and two together and realized the William Zabka who wrote and directed that video is none other than the titular, leg-sweeping Johnny. I was impressed when I thought he was just a really, really good sport, but now... I checked his listing at imdb and, in addition to the credits you'd expect from a former teen actor (Shootfighter II, Mindstorm), there's his 2004 Oscar-fucking-nomination for best short film, live action. Who's laughing now, Ralph Macchio?
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