Yo, no spoilers, bitch!

Posted on September 30th, 2013

I spent the entire summer I was six dressed as Han Solo. Then my “friend” Greg Banks dropped the Vader/father bombshell on me before I could see The Empire Strikes Back. We haven’t spoken since, because I neglected to include a walkie-talkie when I buried him alive.

Years later, I swore off movie reviews after Time magazine blurted out Fight Club’s big twist halfway through the article. Seriously, who does that? I mean, it’s one thing for a kid to do it, but an adult film critic?*

-Graham

*A grown-up film critic, that is. Not a critic who reviews porn. Which you can’t spoil anyway, because they all end the same way.**

**With me shamefully closing the browser window and weeping in the dark.

- Graham

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