Old and busted: "Absenteeism". New hotness: "Presenteeism". Your dog wants a sick day... but is afraid to take it.
It's called presenteeism and it costs companies up to $180,000,000,000 every year in the U.S. alone. That's a figure based solely on the fact that you do a shitty job when you come to work sick and doesn't even factor in the hundred co-workers you'll infect after coughing on the elevator buttons.
Red = Sick, Selfish Bastards
(Click the graph to see a bigger picture of The Big Picture or read the whole report at the Centers for Disease Control site.)
The weird thing is most people aren't eager to work on a good day, much less when they're hacking up their lungs. So why go in?
You probably won't be surprised to learn that the number one reason is deadlines. I, for one, have had exactly one sick day in recent memory when I wasn't working feverishly at home, in every sense of the word. I'm also guilty of coming into the office sick, but that's only because if I'm gone too long someone will realize they do perfectly well without me.
My New Year's Resolutions for 2007
- Stop going to work sick. It seems an obvious place to start. And at least I'm fortunate enough to have a job that includes paid sick days, unlike Jamie's poor sister (she's a prostitute).
- Stop spreading lies about Jamie's sister. Like that he has one.
- Hit the gym like a rented mule. Ironically, Jamie and I worked out every day before an intense Bally pitch screwed up our routine with two solid weeks of working lunches and pizza dinners. That was May and it's been a steady downward spiral since. Our unlimited access to free soft drinks hasn't helped matters much.
- Never believe another word Michael Buble says. I hate to slam a local boy, but his New Year greeting had all the sincerity of a form letter addressed to "Occupant". And what's with the shifty eyes? Dude was twitchier than Courtney Love going cold turkey.
- Be a better pen pal. We're lucky enough to get a fair bit of fan mail and I want you to know that we read and enjoy every single message the instant it hits our inbox. I haven't always kept up my end of the correspondence, but I'm making it a priority in the new year. I'm talking to Chandrachoodan in India, Elena in Australia and every high school student seeking tips on how to break into advertising. Bring it on, people. I will get back to you in 24 hours. Guaranteed.
- Sell out. After years of selling other people's crap, Jamie and I have decided to start selling our own. Words & Pictures World o' Junk is now open for all your official T-shirt purchasing needs. Jamie's in it for the money, but I just love the idea of my face nuzzling your sternum. C'mon, people: only 358 shopping days 'til Christmas!
Happy New Year, everybody!
P.S. Refreshed from a lovely winter break, the Words vs. Pictures debate will return next Monday
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