Pay no attention to that man behind the counter

Posted on April 3rd 2006

This will not be the funniest blog I've written. It will, however, be the most ass-covering.

Let me be 100% clear: we have no reason to believe, nor are we suggesting, that the restaurant referenced in the comic has, or has ever had, any form of pest control issues. I have eaten there in the past and will definitely do so again in the future – the bacon cheese dog is quite tasty, though their fries suck. In the interest of full disclosure, I should also note that Jamie and I have worked on two foodservice accounts, one of which is a direct competitor. Dialogue for The Orkin Man™, incidentally, was quoted almost verbatim from

As I've mentioned before, I don't so much write these comics as I do plagiarize our lives. Last Tuesday, I patronized the restaurant in question at a Toronto food court. My server's name was Rose. Standing right beside her, behind the counter and in full uniform, was The Orkin Man™. For all I know, he was visiting his sister. Orkin also offers free consultations for foodservice providers who wish to go the extra mile and exceed health code requirements. The point is: I'm sure it was something completely innocent. My only word of advice to the manager would be that, for most people, perception defines reality. So, if you're in the food biz and a uniformed exterminator drops by (for whatever reason), you might want to confine that rendezvous to the back room where customers can't make unfortunate mental connections. I'm just sayin'.

On to other business. Last week, we asked readers to submit new unsubscribe lines for the mailing list. One entirely predictable consequence that still caught me completely off-guard was my inability to distinguish between submissions and subscribers who genuinely wanted out. If you were mistakenly removed from the list, please accept my apologies and click here. By the same token, if you see your line on the following list when you actually intended to cut us loose… why are you here?

To unsubscribe, simply reply to this e-mail with the subject line:

  • My wife told me everything. You are a walking corpse. (Keith)
  • Thanks for the mammaries! (Drinkwater)
  • I wish I knew how to quit you. (Many, many readers)
  • How much blood in my stool is too much? (IG88)
  • I'm too much of a literalist to ever enjoy your deliciously wry humor. (hsmith)
  • There's nothing quite so lovely as a shorn scrotum. (hsmith)
  • I do not like Green Eggs and Spam. (Kirsten)
  • I have an overabundance of drive, but sadly, no talent. (Donald)
  • I'm leaving and I'm taking the kids with me. (Doru)
  • I am a dork! (Chandrachoodan)
  • Mommy says Jesus won't love me if I keep reading things (Brian)
  • When I saw the word comic, I thought it meant neo-fascist necrophilia. (Brian)
  • Your Spring collection is so wearable and feminine, it brings the glamour back to Fashion Week. (Keith)
  • Love means never having to say “I'm sorry your comic sucks” (fancylad78)
  • You're too good for me. (David)
  • You are much cuter than Jamie. (Karen)
  • I hate myself for hating you. (Zia)
  • If you love me, let me go. If I come back to you, I'm yours. (Rosie)
  • My nipples bleed excessively. (AndreaT)
  • I know it was you, Alfredo. You broke my heart. (Xiao)
  • My husband told me everything. You are a walking corpse. (Keith)

Thanks to everyone who submitted and props to Keith for being exceedingly quotable. The original plan was to put our favourites to a vote, but now I'm thinking I can use a new one every week and cruise through the fall. Besides, I need the Words vs. Pictures space for revenge. Last week's debate taught me something dark and terrible about the human soul in general and our readers in particular. I am the Omega Man in a world of testicle-slapping psychopaths.


Bookmark and Share Email 


powered by Disqus


w vs p


© 2009 Jamie Lirette & Graham Mutch

Get our RSS feed! What the hell is RSS?

What would an advertising site be without the fine print? Here goes: Any reference to actual brands on this site is for satirical purposes only and is in no way endorsed by their parent companies
or the agencies that represent them. Neither is any harm intended towards the aforementioned brands, companies and agencies. Quite the contrary — we may well come begging for a job one day.
And really, wouldn't you rather sue Adbusters?