The comic
will continue to update every Monday, but this ends the debate
as a regular feature (told you it would never be late
again). It was only supposed to be a one-time
thing after all; a peace offering after our hosting company
dropped the ball, resulting in our first and only late update.
It never even got a single percent of the traffic the
main page enjoyed, but we kept it up for a year because we loooooove
to argue. It's just part of our fraternal dynamic. In
fact, I'm sure we'll still do the debate from time to time when
we have a topic we feel strongly about, but committing to a
weekly argument has lent our recent attempts to start a fight
an air of forced desperation, like a biker with a new knife
and nobody to stab.
So now that
it's all over, what have we learned?
- It's
better to be a living legend than a dead one. (Jamie 48%)
- Paris
Hilton is a vile skank. (Graham 63%)
- Real
friends punch each other in the testicles. (Jamie 67%)
- Omnipotence
gets boring fast. (Jamie 46%)
- Video
games are totally cool, despite the fact that the sexy elf
girl is almost certainly a fat, old man. (Graham 56%)
- You're
beautiful just the way you are. (Graham 52%)
- Jamie's
wise to sleep in a nest of his dead skin cells. (Jamie
59%)
- Buy
a BBQ or forfeit your penis. (Jamie 47%)
- Hasbro's
agency is pro-bukkake. (Special)
- The
undead make ghoulish spokespeople. (Graham 45%)
- Now
is not now. It is then. (Jamie 45%)
- The
USP of Jamie's utopia is lobotomized infants. (Graham
66%)
- There's
no time like the present. (Draw, pardner!)
- Our
readers are pro-gay rights, specifically the right to hot
girl on girl action. (Jamie 67%)
- Mutch
Gambit triumphs as Knight takes Pawn. (Graham 46%)
- Jamie
hates his country and hates you even more for loving yours
(Jamie 49%)
- Graham
and Jamie are both morons. (46% moron vote... ouch)
- "George
Lucas is a bullfrog-throated whore and Graham is right."
(Graham
50%)
- The
Internet is for porn. (Special)
-
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Frown and you'll get
promoted. (Jamie 53%)
- Better
a has-been than a never-was, though there's a lot to be said
for a still-am.
(Jamie 54%)
- It's
better to burn out than to fade away.
(Graham 70%)
- Ignorance
is bliss.
(Jamie 52%)
- You
people have vastly underestimated my capacity for chicken-killing.
(Jamie 45%)
- If
you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for
his three-hole-punch. (Graham 49%)
- Buzz
Lightyear is not a real doctor. (Graham 60%)
- I
fantasize about killing Jamie in impractical ways.
(Jamie 52%)
- Jamie
has over half a dozen names for his genitalia, none of which
is "penis." (Jamie
55%)
- My
penis, by way of contrast, is less interesting than Danish
building blocks
(Jamie 61%)
-
Waking up screaming is more fun in a mansion.
(Graham 52%)
- You
prefer to boycott stuff you weren't going to buy anyway.
(Special)
- KRAKABOOOOM!
That's the sound of thunderstorms rocking with extreme prejudice.
(Graham 59%)
- 42%
of you wouldn't object to being vivisected. Wait... what?
(Graham 58%)
-
The fact that I would happily frag your children shouldn't
preclude me babysitting them. (Graham
58%)
- You'd
like a Toot Toot Chugga Chugga Big Red Car Bomb
(Jamie 47%)
- Turns
out homicidal demon hags are scarier than... fish. How was
this even CLOSE?. (Graham
45%)
- We
probably would have kept our mouths shut if we'd known we
had so many readers in Boston. (Special)
- In
its own way, this was just as weird as the chicken fighting
one.
(Draw, pardner!)
- Broccoli
is like little trees.
(Graham 58%)
- The
final debate wasn't really that interesting. So, you know,
case in point.
(Graham 68%)
The
final score: Graham beats Jamie, 17-16!
Thanks to
everyone who read the debates, which pretty much means you
since anyone who didn't probably stopped reading after the first
panel of the comic. If you're sorry (or happy) to see it go,
let us know at graham@wordsandpicturesonline.com
-Graham
P.S. to
Jenny in Virginia: Thanks so much for inviting me to the VCU
Moonpie
Madness speed eating tournament. I'm very sorry I couldn't
make it, but that's probably for the best since I would have
smoked your friends like fine Cuban cigars. You see, in addition
to the awards I've received for my peerless wordcraft, I am
also a champion pie eater. Seriously. You've probably learned
by now, but the trick is to forego chewing. Chewing is for suckers.
Winners inhale.
Winners
also curl into a fetal position afterwards and pray for a quick
and merciful death. At least in my experience.
